A Timely Lunch

Today I had lunch with Dr. Forrest Robinson, a longtime UM pastor in Kansas. His wife is in a nursing facility, suffering with Alzheimer’s disease and he asked me to join him because he doesn’t like to eat alone. We went to a local restaurant, where everyone who works there knows his name. Likewise for the after church crowd who also eat there. Forrest, a well-known figure in Kansas as much for his presentations on World War II, a war in which he served, as for his ministry in various places around the Annual Conference, is a master storyteller. We shared lunch, him over his standard chicken fried steak, me with a Fattouch Salad, and both of us with Cokes. Tomorrow I will go before the Board of Ordained Ministry in the Kansas West Conference, so the idea of committing one’s life to ministry was not far from my mind through our conversation. I was struck by the irony in our lunch date—him having served for many years as an elder in the UMC, and me just beginning, having served three years as a commissioned candidate for deacon. Forrest shared a story that captured my attention.

He and his wife were in their mid-30’s when he got a call to serve in ministry. After a series of events, he found himself enrolling at Drew University for seminary. His pregnant wife had to fly to their new home and he drove himself, all their earthly belongings, and their dog to the Catskills in New York, where he would soon assume pastoral leadership of three small churches. He said that as he drove the long drive by himself, preaching as he drove, even the dog was tired of hearing him preach. He had plenty of time to get nervous as he realized that he had never really preached a “real” sermon, and he soon would be responsible for three per Sunday. He woke up early the Friday before he would have to preach on Sunday, and decided “to pull a John Wesley,” and open up the Bible, asking God to show him a passage of Scripture. His fingers flipped open to 1 Corinthians 2 and he read, “And so it was with me, brothers and sisters. When I came to you, I did not come with eloquence or human wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power” (1 Cor. 2:1-5). He recited these words, verbatim, revealing to me of their permanence in his mind and heart. He identified that while he had been feeling insecure about his role as a preacher, he certainly could preach about Christ. He said that he vowed right then that this passage would be the text of his first sermon at the churches, his last sermon at those three churches, and he hoped that it would be the text of the last sermon that he preaches. The power of this Scripture slowly began to sink in to me as I sat in the booth of the restaurant thinking about the task that lies ahead for me. Despite the fine seminary education that I received and the decade of ministry experience, I find myself in weakness, with great fear and trembling. In fact, I’ve noticed, that the more that I have “learned,” the more fearful I become. Not in the respect of being scared to act, but in the sense of recognizing my own inability to communicate the Gospel, except through the power of the Holy Spirit. As I sit before the Board of Ordained Ministry tomorrow, I think that this is a good thing. I don’t want to have wise and persuasive words in my own strength. I seek to know Christ, and him, crucified. I’ve seen that as Forrest’s ministry, and I desire that for my own.
What a gift my lunch with Forrest was! He’s the example of a minister who served churches in cities and in rural areas, in the church-related college, and even for a while, in state government. He’s a presence now of a Christian life that though he has endured difficulty, he’s still preaching Christ. Forrest, I don’t know what the text of your last sermon will be, but the text of your life is indeed 1 Corinthians 2. And this Christian is so grateful.

Can I Trust God?

My church is spending the next six weeks “Rebooting” and asking some pretty basic questions about our faith. We’re also having a variety of people share a testimony that responds to our question for the week. I got to share today. Here is what I said, plus a little more.

The question of whether or not we can trust God is an important one. For if the answer is no, then we may find ways to serve God or even obey God’s laws, but we can’t truly love God. Having grown up in a church and in a Christian family, I was well aware of serving God and obeying God, but it took me longer to recognize what it would mean to love God. I think my childhood perception of God—that God was somewhat like a cosmic Santa Claus, blessing me when I was “good” and cursing me when I was “bad”—actually did carry over into my adult understanding of God, certainly in more mature ways, but they remained. But thankfully, there did come a point when I learned that not only could I serve and obey God, but that I could trust God, too.

The summer after my sophomore year, I served as a summer intern at FUMC, Winfield and from a series of some conversations—with the retiring pastor, Rick Frisbie and with the youth pastor, Bill Podschun, I began to think that God was maybe, possibly, might actually be calling me to something. I had no idea at the time that it would be to become a Campus Minister, but just knew that I was feeling a stirring about ministry.

If you know me very well, you know that I’m a planner. I like to know what’s going to happen, when, and be able to prepare for it. But as I walked further in faith in learning to trust God, I began to see that my plans simply couldn’t be made. I couldn’t have a “back-up” plan, just in case this whole ministry thing doesn’t work out! The stories of people in Scripture became my stories as I read about how Elisha burned the plow that had been at the core of his livelihood before he was called to serve God and about how Peter walked on water, faltered, but believed again. I wanted to be like these servants of God and believe, but I feared—what if it doesn’t work that way anymore?

As I grew in my understanding of the trustworthiness of God, I had a series of everyday experiences when I saw glimpses into God’s heart, but none was more powerful for me than an experience I had just before my last year of college. I had, by this time, responded to God’s call to ministry, but still was unsure what that would look like. I decided to do a semester-long internship in Colorado that cost a significant amount of money—more than I had access to. I was working with a group of High School girls that summer and asked them to pray with me for $2000. We prayed all summer long. As August was coming into sight, I still was short this money. However, would you believe that August 1 came, I got a letter in the mail that said I had been awarded a scholarship in this exact amount! The girls who had prayed with me and I celebrated God’s faithfulness. And then I did the math! I actually had a need of about 1 more thousand dollars! Why hadn’t I done the math first before we started praying?! Anyway, I knew that I had about that much in savings and could just pull it out and live on ramen noodles for the semester. The week before I was to leave, I got a phone call from the secretary in the office where I was working that summer up at Southwestern. She told me that she knew of my need and her church wanted to support me by giving a small scholarship which had already been sent to the financial aid office. As I went up there the day before I was to leave for Colorado, they told me that since it had been from a church, they were matching it and I would it would total $500! I was silently thrilled and recognized that I was only short $500—which I could easily cover with my savings. I stopped back by my mailbox one last time before leaving campus and discovered a card…once again from the same secretary whose church had given me a scholarship. It was a note wishing me blessings for the semester ahead and inside a check. Guess the amount? Yep. $500. If I ever wasn’t sure if I trusted God, in that moment I knew that I did! The day before I needed it, God provided the exact amount of money that I needed. I remember saying internally to God right then, “God, you are SO good!” And echoing back in my mind, I heard God say to me: “why are you surprised? Is it not my character to be good? Is it not what I do to provide?”

Can I trust God? Yes. Is it always easy? No. But we can learn to trust God when we recognize that God’s character is trustworthy! God is a provider, full of grace, and the definition of love. Recognizing that it is this very God who wants to be in relationship with me and will even give me the courage to step out in faith allows me to be able to trust that while I may not know the details, I’m responding to a God who does! God is good, and now I’m not surprised!

What to Leave Behind in 2009: The idol of Efficiency

I have said before that my middle name is Efficiency. Ashlee E. Alley. Well…that’s a bit of an untruth…the E. stands for Elaine instead of Efficiency, but, close enough. I really, really like to get things done in an efficient manner, requiring the least amount of effort for the greatest amount of impact. For example, at one point while doing some work on personality, I discovered a chart that had a listing of greetings that different personality types (as determined by the Myers-Briggs test) had for one another. I laughed out loud when I saw the one for my type: “Have an efficient day!” I laughed, because a common greeting for me at that time was, “Get lots done!” I was in seminary and, apparently, was concerned about the efficiency of the workload for myself, and others.

Unfortunately, efficiency is really not the way that Christian maturity works. We can’t do mass discipleship (that’s indoctrination). We can’t do speedy spiritual disciplines (that’s the world’s way). We can’t have reactionary solutions to problems (they’re merely band-aids). Efficiency simply is not the way that God works. Think about it: how efficient is it that God entrusted the task of evangelism, of telling the Good News of Jesus Christ (and him crucified and resurrected) to the flakey disciples. Granted, the disciples (and we) have a H.U.G.E. advocate in the Holy Spirit, but God still uses humanity to introduce Christ to a lost world—this isn’t the most efficient manner of telling others about himself. No…what God could have done if efficiency were top priority is to have preserved multiple written copies of “God’s plan” (sorta like tracts) all over the known world. Also, surely God could have given us a Methuselah to live for 1000 years and verify the veracity of these tracts and God’s plan. And yet, we do have the written words of Scripture, which some of us seem to (try to) discredit. And God has given us prophets, teachers, and the Holy Spirit to testify to God’s plan of redemption for the world by following the way of Christ. But, due to our human nature, we see that efficiency didn’t work, so rather, God relies on the hard work of transforming us, his children, and entrusting us with telling the story of Jesus Christ. In short, efficiency is not the way that God works.

Not only is evangelism not efficient, but neither is discipleship. In my own relationship with Jesus Christ, I’ve had to learn not to bow to the idol of Efficiency. It’s not easy for me, as I tend to schedule myself with small margins of error between meetings, events, or appointments. But I’ve found that Efficiency requires a pretty steep price. My creativity is sacrificed in order to balance multiple trains of thought. Also asked of me is my ability to focus singularly on one thing. My multitasking brain thinks about several things at once and even when I’m trying to focus on a sermon for next week, my mind wanders to the service project for this weekend. And often if I do try to focus on one thing, I get through my first event feeling a sense of panic when the next activity appears as the next first priority.

As I approach this new year, I am casting down the idol of Efficiency. I’m praying for God’s grace in letting go of this idol that for so long has grasped my priorities, my values, and my calendar. Instead of bowing to the idol of Efficiency, I am resolving to be patient. Patience, as one of the Fruit of the Spirit, is something that only grows through the grace of God. I’m asking for more of God’s grace this year, that I might not seek to accomplish the most things, but rather, that I would seek to accomplish the things to which God has called me. I’m asking God to give me the patience to “wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord”, instead of making it happen myself.

There is a song that I remember from my childhood that reminds me of what patience looks like: “Have patience…have patience…don’t be…in such…a hurry. When you get…impatient…it only makes you worry. Remember…remember…that God is patient too…and…think of all…the times…when others…have…to…wait…on…you!”
If I recall, the tune is somewhat of a bumbling, slow, and unwearied sort of a tune. It’s true: impatience (or efficiency) does make me worry. And God is patient. And my efficiency has a cost for others.

As I usher in the year 2010, I ask for God’s grace to release Efficiency and embrace Patience. Thankfully, I also get to release worry and being scatterbrained. It won’t be easy, I’m sure, as I’ll have to embrace other qualities along with Patience (like relinquishing control and trusting God and others). So Efficiency—be gone! Patience—come! Please. And even if you don’t come quickly, I resolve to prepare myself for your arrival. The fruit of Patience is a much more desirable harvest—a heart singularly focused on responding to God’s call in the world. May it be so in 2010.

SC Chapel Podcast

Do you like to keep up with what's happening at SC's chapel even though you aren't in Winfield? We now have Chapel available for you to subscribe to through iTunes or your other favorite system for mp3's. You can subscribe through searching Southwestern College in iTunes or go here and subscribe. We've had a great semester...I hope that you can listen in!

What are we waiting for?

I have a good friend who is expecting a baby. Due to some complications, the baby could come any day between now and the middle of January, the full-term due date. When she first experienced the complications, the baby would have faced serious challenges, had he/she decided to be born. Thankfully, he/she has decided to stay put (for now) and my friend has focused her energy into preparing for the baby to be born.

During the first days of the complication, my friend began counting each day and celebrating the weeks of passing. I don’t think that I have observed waiting and preparation in such a focused way as one does in the anticipation of a child. The intentional decisions to avert travel, eat healthy foods, and save money, among other decisions, indicate the focused intentionality of welcoming a baby who will change their world.

I’ve been reminded when I see my friend of the coincidental timing of the expectation of their baby along with the expectation of the celebration of the birth of Christ. I confess that I often eagerly anticipate the time spent with family and friends or the fun entertainment that is often associated with the season of Christmas. However, the greater reality of Christmas has really not much to do with these things. Talk about changing our world…the birth of God in human form is pretty revolutionary!

Today is the second Sunday of Advent, the season when we eagerly anticipate the celebration of when God became human and “moved into the neighborhood,” as the Message translation of the bible says. Are awaiting the excitement of it all or are we remembering the magnitude of the incarnation? What are we waiting for?

The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood. We saw the glory with our own eyes, the one-of-a-kind glory, like Father, like Son, Generous inside and out, true from start to finish. John 1:14 (The Message)

Passionate in Prayer

This semester has been a bit of an experiment of sorts for some students. Two students, after having a class dropped for low enrollment, asked me if they could take an independant study with me about prayer. I was excited to say yes, and knew that their lives (and our campus) would never be the same. These two women have learned about prayer, prayed, talked with people who pray, prayed some more, talked to people who want to know how to pray, and prayed some more. And they've seen God answer their prayers.

Tonight initiates a 46-hour long continuous prayer weekend for us on campus. I am glad to say that I really have not provided any leadership to this event, but have encouraged them and prayed for them, with a bit of guidance every now and then. It's exciting to me to watch God working through these student, Jessica and Molly, and those that they've recruited to join us in prayer. This weekend also kicks off the use of a newly spruced up (small) prayer chapel in the library that they've refurbished.

That would be exciting enough, but I have to add a personal note. One of the many things that Molly and Jessica have learned through their semester in prayer is that there have been others before them that have prayed fervently for our campus as well. I know of a group of students in the spring of 1998 who prayed in that very chapel for God to be present on our campus in a new way. They prayed and they sang, and they stayed up way too late talking about how God was at work on their campus. I know that there was a group in 1998 because I was one of that number. The note above is a note given to me by a friend who also prayed.

The prayers of my friends and I aren't the only prayers prayed for our campus either...the little library chapel contained a book started in 2000 that hold prayers of many other Moundbuilders who lifted up prayers for our campus. Obviously there were many others who have been a part of praying for our campus since it was begun in 1886--we have a wonderful legacy of leaders in the church and in the world who have graduated from our campus on a hill--and we have a desire to once again shine brightly for Christ. Our prayers this weekend, and lives transformed by the God to whom we pray, will be evidence of that light.

If you read my post this weekend...will you pray for us?

Lessons in Hospitality

In recent years, you can occasionally hear me say, “I could live in a commune.” I’m usually saying this in response to discussions of Christian community and the needs within a community. I even bring it up when talking about discipleship development. Though I’ve never lived in a commune, I suppose that all of my years between age 18 and 29 were spent somewhat communally due to 7 years of dorm life for college and graduate school and living with roommates on the college campus where I worked for the other years.

However, I remember voicing my feelings about all those years of togetherness when I moved into my house by myself 4.5 years ago: “The next roommate that I want to have is a husband!” Not that a husband was on the horizon or that I didn’t enjoy living “in community,” but I was looking forward to a little bit of space. So you can imagine my surprise when I hear myself say, as I occasionally do, “I could live in a commune.” How did I get to that decision in 4.5 years? Well, only because of some lessons in hospitality.

Lesson 1: Always keep guest room available. When I moved into my 2-bedroom house, I vowed that I would keep the second room available as a guest room for friends or family coming through town. I realized that the readiness of that room represented the seriousness of my claim. I often found the guest bed filled with out of season clothes, or Christmas decorations, or laundry that I hadn’t had time to fold, and thus, was in no shape to welcome a guest. So, my first challenge came in having clean sheets on the bed, a tidy room to welcome a visitor, and food in the cupboard to prepare a quick meal. But, having a room ready for friends and family, well, that isn’t radically hospitable, now is it? It really is just being nice! It is another thing entirely to offer hospitality to someone that you don’t know, and someone who can’t repay you. I suppose that I’m still in the novice category for that, but I’ve been willing to try, even if it is offering a meal or sharing an evening.

I’ve learned from opening my home to others (students, friends, family or friends of students, and an occasional visitor to campus) that opening my home is a vulnerable act. What if they notice a cobweb? What if the bed is uncomfortable? What if it isn’t as tidy as their house? What if they peek at a closet full of prom and bridesmaid dresses and harass me? But, hospitality is radical in that it requires a sacrifice of sorts. My visitor could reject my hospitality (or me!). But it is life-giving when it is received. Knowing that someone else feels comfortable in my home is a privilege in which I most keenly feel what it means that one is blessed to be a blessing.

Lesson 2: Be prepared to open your home for extended stay visitors. The true test of sharing a guest room comes when someone needs a home for a period of time—it’s one thing to host someone, truly another to live with them! My first summer in my house, a student asked if she could live with me as she worked at the church where she and I both attended. I stopped to think: What about boundaries? What about privacy (my house is great for me, but a rather small house!)? What about the extra cost (I was living with little margin at that time)? And yet, the decision was clear…she needed a place to stay and I wanted to offer it to her. That summer went well, and I realized that while I had been worried about privacy, I was grateful for her presence in my life. I suppose that good “hospitality” experience led me to others…first an international student who needed a home for a month, then to a friend who needed a home for a summer, and now, to a family member who needs a home for a year. The presence of these others in my life and in my home has taught me much about willingness to invite others into my life. And it has taught me gratitude…to appreciate what God has given me. I remember a seminary professor who invited a group of students to his house to watch a movie and discuss it. As we got settled into their beautiful home, he said, “Thanks for letting our house do what it was intended to do…to glorify God!” As such, my house has been able to do that, and I have been the richer.

Lesson 3: Move from ownership-thinking to stewardship-thinking. I suppose that one other lesson that relates to my perceived ability to live communally has to do with my thoughts on ownership. Or should I say, stewardship. I’ve always been a pretty frugal person, but when I began to take seriously what I found in scripture, I began to see that possessions are often a roadblock to our relationship with Christ. They can get in the way of following Christ (rich young ruler—Matthew 19:16-22), or we can get distracted by greed (building bigger barns—Luke 12:13-21). But when I think of what I “own” as “stewardship,” my stuff doesn’t own me. I can freely give away what I have when someone else needs it. If my stuff breaks, it doesn’t break my heart, it makes me examine if I need to replace it. I’ve also learned that if I’m patient and willing to wait to purchase something, I can usually find a great used item. My whole house (which is decorated pretty well, if I do say so myself) is furnished with items I’ve been given, purchased used, and with only a (small) handful of things purchased new. Thinking of ownership as stewardship has also made me a more generous giver. I’m willing to give to others when I have been a recipient of someone else’s generosity.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever live in a communal living environment, but I do think that the lessons in hospitality that I’ve learned have given me insight into how one truly lives out Acts 2:42-47, especially verses 44-46.

“All who believed were together and had all things in common; they would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need. Day by day, as they spent much time together in the temple, they broke bread at home and ate their food with glad and generous hearts.”

When learning how to live in community, we exemplify the heart of God for unity, provision, and gladness. This kind of living does, however, involve vulnerability, gratitude, and generosity. And it also gives us encounters with God and God’s people that help us experience true Christian community. There is an unglamorous side to living in community—I remember from all those years of dorm life! But regardless of who lives with us, we can practice hospitality and live with values of the shared life as a way of both living out and developing our faith—and the faith of others—even more.