When Normal is Exhilirating

I wrote this yesterday about my day. I've been thinking a lot about recognizing God's presence in the midst of life, rather than seeing God's presence after the fact. Yesterday was a good day.

There are many days in ministry that are difficult: institutions are cumbersome, resistance is inevitable, and people are messy. And there are days when ministry is exhilarating: systems work well, creativity is abundant and people use their gifts to God’s glory. Today has been one of the later. It is exciting to watch the college students with whom I’ve been blessed to work discover and live out their faith. Here is a snippet from my day:

• I woke up feeling rather cranky. In fact, I said out loud (to myself) before I left my house: “Ashlee, why are you so grumpy? Get over whatever your problem is.” (I hope that others have similar habits of talking to themselves. I don’t usually say things out loud to myself, but I was in a foul mood this morning for absolutely no good reason.)
• I got an email first thing this morning from a student who was so excited to tell me some things that God had been doing in her life that she wanted to meet with me. I sought her out this morning soon after I got in my office. She shared with me some experiences that she and some other students had over the weekend in worship and prayer together. She spoke about some things that I've prayed about over the last several years for my campus and I began to see in her testimony of God’s faithfulness in answering prayer. She’s facilitating a prayer forum online for our campus and I’m excited to see where it goes.
• I actually got some work done in my office! Go figure!
• I went to our monthly “Family Meeting” for Discipleship and continue to be blown away by the gifts that my students have. I felt absolutely irrelevant and it was wonderful! Oh sure, I've spent the time with them and they all know what their jobs are. God has matured them in ways that they are powerful leaders and it was incredibly freeing to see the maturity that was exhibited in this group of 13 leaders to the team of 40 others. A visiting religious studies fellow who is in his second year even commented on the maturity that he had witnessed in one of the students in the year and a half that he has been here.

And that was all before noon! The rest of the day, I went to meetings, met with students, and answered emails and my work seemed more connected to God’s mission in the world than usual. It’s easy, especially this time of year, for us to get focused on challenges, problems, and messes that we have to clean up. But let’s not forget that when our work is focused on the Kingdom of God, even our challenges have a new meaning. Today was a day when the veil was thin...when I saw the Kingdom of God in front of my very eyes. The reason it was so notable for me was because while I'm good at seeing God's presence in the "big" days/moments/experiences, it's much harder in the "normal" days. (I wrote about this at the beginning of January.) Thankfully, I think that today was one of those "best days" that I was hoping for more of! Our lives as Christians include many "big" days, but mostly they're just "normal" days when we learn to tune our hearts and minds to God's voice. I can't believe it, but today I'm thankful for "normal."

Best Days

Each January, I spend a little time looking back to the year behind and ahead to what is on the horizon. Last year I wrote about my desire to grow in patience this year. I believe that indeed, patience did grow in me this year. I remember hearing someone say once, “Don’t pray for patience—that’s one prayer that God always answers. He tests you and you’ll need patience.” Well, in many ways, this year was full of many challenging days and was a year that was hard for a variety of reasons. In fact, I’m sorta glad to see it go. Nothing major, just a period of challenge on which I was acutely focused.

Yesterday I was listening to Garrison Keillor question his guests on his radio program, “Prairie Home Companion.” He asked them, “What was your best day of 2010.” His guests had all be selected, presumably for having a wonderful year and were really quick to answer the question. But as I was thinking about my own answer to the question, I struggled a bit, presumably due to the challenges of this year. I sometimes feel like I live life so “fast” that I often miss out on the sacramental moments like being able to recognize a “best day” while it’s happening. Part of it is probably my personality—I see “trees” instead of the “forest” most of the time. I get stuck in details—starting this, finishing that, anticipating problems so as to subvert them, etc. I have a hard time pulling away from the perspective of the tree in order to see the beauty of the landscape that lies both behind me and ahead. I know this about myself, so most days I practice the Daily Examen of reflecting back to where I experienced Christ most keenly in my day and where I felt most distant from God. But even still, last year felt like a blur. In my Garrison Keillor-inspired extraction from the trees, I am able to see the landscape and see some of the best days of my 2010.

I had several “best days” as I took a couple of vacations with friends last summer. We laughed, told stories of the “good old days” and encouraged one another through current struggles. Relationships are absolutely priceless. They are what matters most. And my best days are days that remember that.

Another “best day” for me involves my family. Also last summer, my niece, who is more like a sister (or even a daughter to me) got married! It was an incredible day, as the man she married is a kind and wise partner for her, but also because our family (under the leadership of Megan) and many friends of Megan and Brian, “threw” the wedding for them, from decorations, to food, to flowers. It was an inspiring time of bearing witness to their vows they made to one another as we supported them as they covenanted with God in marriage. I still get a little teary.

I had other days that fell into the “best day” category, but they were much more about the daily-ness of life. They were days when I knew contentment, when I felt love and belonging, when I had assurance that the work that I am doing with college students makes a difference in the Kingdom. It’s these days, without the splash of big events, that I actually desire more of in the coming year.

In July, I was sitting in a Chinese Restaurant in Nashville, eating dinner with a friend who I’ve known my entire life and I got a fortune cookie: “Your fondest dream will come true within the year.” Well, obviously I don’t usually put much stock into fortune cookies, but this one was one of those rare times when I thought there actually might be a little bit of a sacramental moment in the fortune cookie. I don’t honestly know what my “fondest dream” is, but as I look ahead to 2011, I want to live in the sense of hope and expectation that I experienced during the season of Advent. I lean forward into a year where I am living in the abundance of God’s grace, not thinking about the next problem to solve or item to remove from my to-do list.

So, this fortune that I got that day last summer has reminded me to dream. Sadly, in my seeing the trees, I forget that. I’ve seen lots of evidence of God’s faithfulness through the last year, and I’m excited to see what happens in the coming year. Here’s to 2011, a year full of “best days!”